Thank you for all the very kind comments. After a SHOCKING week of panic, I have recovered slightly and the panic is now at a simmer and a little depression has settled in. Unfortunately something I am predisposed to and have to live with.
After much thought DH and I decided to hold off on the IVF. After being ravished by panic for the last week, I realise that my body is not going to want to know anything about a poor little embie trying to implant. So I have decided to get me better first. I have also realised that I do not feel comfortable at the Fertility Clinic I have been with. I felt like a cow being herded through there. The clinic works on a first come, first serve basis. Arriving at 6.30am, the time the clinic doors open, I was no. 7. I then waited 3 hours for a scan. I counted 32 women on the doc's list...I wonder what time no.32 saw the doctor if I was no.7? Poor woman.
So I am investigating another clinic and hoping that it is better in every way especially support (I've heard it is). In the meantime, Mands and I have started new jobs at new offices, running the Advertising department. It has been a big adjustment which we are still trying to wrap our little 'ol heads around. We (Mands & The Hoff and DH & I) have just "bought" houses (awaiting all paper work to go through). Lots of changes which equal STRESS. You know we are like two old ladies (even though we are only in our early, early, early 30's) set in our ways..anything changes, it take us at least a week to notice, another to pfaff, and another to let the dust settle! *cough*
Wednesday, 2 May 2007
And so the days became Years!
Thank you for all the very kind comments. After a SHOCKING week of panic, I have recovered slightly and the panic is now at a simmer and a little depression has settled in. Unfortunately something I am predisposed to and have to live with.
After much thought DH and I decided to hold off on the IVF. After being ravished by panic for the last week, I realise that my body is not going to want to know anything about a poor little embie trying to implant. So I have decided to get me better first. I have also realised that I do not feel comfortable at the Fertility Clinic I have been with. I felt like a cow being herded through there. The clinic works on a first come, first serve basis. Arriving at 6.30am, the time the clinic doors open, I was no. 7. I then waited 3 hours for a scan. I counted 32 women on the doc's list...I wonder what time no.32 saw the doctor if I was no.7? Poor woman.
So I am investigating another clinic and hoping that it is better in every way especially support (I've heard it is). In the meantime, Mands and I have started new jobs at new offices, running the Advertising department. It has been a big adjustment which we are still trying to wrap our little 'ol heads around. We (Mands & The Hoff and DH & I) have just "bought" houses (awaiting all paper work to go through). Lots of changes which equal STRESS. You know we are like two old ladies (even though we are only in our early, early, early 30's) set in our ways..anything changes, it take us at least a week to notice, another to pfaff, and another to let the dust settle! *cough*
After much thought DH and I decided to hold off on the IVF. After being ravished by panic for the last week, I realise that my body is not going to want to know anything about a poor little embie trying to implant. So I have decided to get me better first. I have also realised that I do not feel comfortable at the Fertility Clinic I have been with. I felt like a cow being herded through there. The clinic works on a first come, first serve basis. Arriving at 6.30am, the time the clinic doors open, I was no. 7. I then waited 3 hours for a scan. I counted 32 women on the doc's list...I wonder what time no.32 saw the doctor if I was no.7? Poor woman.
So I am investigating another clinic and hoping that it is better in every way especially support (I've heard it is). In the meantime, Mands and I have started new jobs at new offices, running the Advertising department. It has been a big adjustment which we are still trying to wrap our little 'ol heads around. We (Mands & The Hoff and DH & I) have just "bought" houses (awaiting all paper work to go through). Lots of changes which equal STRESS. You know we are like two old ladies (even though we are only in our early, early, early 30's) set in our ways..anything changes, it take us at least a week to notice, another to pfaff, and another to let the dust settle! *cough*
Wednesday, 25 April 2007
Panic
The last couple of days have been blurred by panic. So if you would rather read something upbeat, hopeful and joyful then it's best you move on.
I have once again hit rock bottom. The panic has taken control and my mind is racing.
It's been coming on for a while now but I could say the breaking point could have been when I went into my doc's office for a scan to see why AF hadn't arrived yet. He did a scan which was extremely painful and then asked me if we had done a pregnancy test before starting the IVF procedure (For R30000 I would think that he would know this kind of information!), at which point a hundred thoughts went through my mind like: He had given me provera which I have read is not to be taken during pregnancy as it causes birth defects, why didn't he do one to start off with, 2 weeks of suppression hormones - that couldn't be good - what the hell is going on??? They then took blood and made me wait for 10 mins (after my intial two and a half hour wait). By this time my internal scream was at fever pitch. The test was obviously negative but just having to go through that was excrutiating! Am I being a "big baby"? So after having no hormones in my body - I am now on the pill waiting for AF and I feel like I just might be going crazy. DH has been as helpful as he can be but I think that there is a lack of understanding. You know the saying a mouth full of teeth and not much else except one solution - "Rather be functional by taking anti-depressants, when perhaps a comforting "You're not going crazy. No hormones, lots of hormones - there is a reason you are feeling so shocking." might go down better. Anti-depressants - that's like admitting defeat. If it wasn't for my ever present voice of reason - Mands, I think I would be lost.
I have once again hit rock bottom. The panic has taken control and my mind is racing.
It's been coming on for a while now but I could say the breaking point could have been when I went into my doc's office for a scan to see why AF hadn't arrived yet. He did a scan which was extremely painful and then asked me if we had done a pregnancy test before starting the IVF procedure (For R30000 I would think that he would know this kind of information!), at which point a hundred thoughts went through my mind like: He had given me provera which I have read is not to be taken during pregnancy as it causes birth defects, why didn't he do one to start off with, 2 weeks of suppression hormones - that couldn't be good - what the hell is going on??? They then took blood and made me wait for 10 mins (after my intial two and a half hour wait). By this time my internal scream was at fever pitch. The test was obviously negative but just having to go through that was excrutiating! Am I being a "big baby"? So after having no hormones in my body - I am now on the pill waiting for AF and I feel like I just might be going crazy. DH has been as helpful as he can be but I think that there is a lack of understanding. You know the saying a mouth full of teeth and not much else except one solution - "Rather be functional by taking anti-depressants, when perhaps a comforting "You're not going crazy. No hormones, lots of hormones - there is a reason you are feeling so shocking." might go down better. Anti-depressants - that's like admitting defeat. If it wasn't for my ever present voice of reason - Mands, I think I would be lost.
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